What is a friend? What makes a friendship?
I just had brunch with a group of friends from my building. They are truly wonderful people. We talk about our families, our challenges, work, travel, the state of the country and the world—anything that is on our minds. We share.
Friends come into our lives when we least expect it. Or perhaps we intentionally look to build friendships, through apps or meetup groups. And we all choose our friends differently. Some of us may not even “choose” our friends; we simply find ourselves in relationships of this kind and go along for the ride.
It has always amused me, actually, almost shocked me, that in the US children starting in kindergarten often switch classes in a rotation style. This means they don’t stay with the same group of students throughout elementary, middle, or high school. I have always believed that friendships are built over time. In many European and South American countries (from what I have learned) kids stay with most of their peers throughout school (K–12). In my opinion, this is how deeper friendships are formed: tighter relationships where young people learn to support and encourage each other year after year. Seems like classmates change just as relationships begin to form, and then change again the following year, it simply does not make sense to me.
I have friends with whom I went to school since kindergarten. Although I was not a social butterfly when I was young, I still keep a good number of those friendships, and we see each other whenever possible. Of course, I have my bestie, with whom I was inseparable for most of our lives. I also reconnected with another very close friend after many years, when she moved to Europe, and our relationship is as strong as it was when we were young girls. These friendships remain steady no matter how much time passes before we speak again, and we love each other dearly.
But what about friendships built away from home, from school or college? How do you build that tight-knit relationship? I don’t know; I really don’t. But one thing is for sure: when you meet people who are kind and caring, it is worth opening the door to friendship. Start getting to know that person and see what affinities you may share.
Having friends is such a meaningful part of life. They support us when we are down, sick, or simply need someone by our side. They also give us the opportunity to be there for them. And most importantly, friendships bring laughter, connection, and shared memories.
Just like there is no perfect person, there is no perfect friendship. When we truly appreciate someone, we learn to accept differences in our personalities and in the way we do things. Expectations slowly take a back seat if we want relationships to last. As we grow older, those unspoken expectations soften even more. We have lived, we have learned, and we begin to focus on what makes our lives better, fuller, richer, and happier.
Is it easier to make friends when we are older? I don’t know that either. But what I do know is that friendships can sometimes be fragile. They can be affected by a word, a misunderstanding, or an unintentional action. When we care about a relationship, it helps to seek clarity and understanding. And sometimes, even then, we must accept that not all friendships are meant to continue in the same way.
Sometimes friendships don’t fade slowly, they change all at once.
About twenty years ago, I experienced one of the most meaningful friendships of my life. My dearest friend M, I loved her with all my heart. She even lived with my children and me for a while. She was “Auntie M” to my kids, and my whole family knew her. She was family to me. We did everything together and shared so many joyful moments.
Then one day she told me there was a great job opportunity in Florida, and she decided to move there. So we packed her belongings into a car and drove there together. She settled into her new apartment, and I returned home, to never hear from her again.
I still miss her, but whatever made her decide to disconnect from me -from us- was not something I caused. We had a wonderful trip, and we enjoyed an incredible friendship for years. She used to say, almost as if it were an omen: “Friends come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.”
“Friends come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.”
Caring for friends is important. Giving and receiving are essential. If you only give and never receive, you may begin to feel unimportant or used, and that is not healthy. Valuing yourself and your time is part of loving yourself, and when you love yourself, you take care of you. Give yourself the gift of friendships and expect very little in return. Those who truly care for you will naturally return the friendship.
Just like couples, friendship is a partnership of two, it always takes two to tango. One person cannot carry both sides. Balance and reciprocity are beautiful principles to keep present in all relationships.
Today, I am grateful for the friends I have in my life. I don’t know which friendships will remain until the end of my time, but I do know that I cherish their presence now and the moments we share together.
Friendships may change with time, but gratitude for them never should.
Cheers to friends! 🌷