The Month of Love

My favorite rom-com movie of all time about love is Love Actually.

From the very beginning, I can’t help but smile. It captures the excitement of reunions at an airport, where love unfolds between couples and families alike. It’s the kind of love that expands filling the room, taking over the space, and diminishing any negativity that may be present. That kind of love is contagious.

It doesn’t take much for me to feel happy. I appreciate the little things far more than the big ones: small gestures, thoughtful words, good jokes when I’m feeling down, sarcasm when it’s needed, things that can’t be bought. And no, no, no… I’m not saying I don’t like gifts. I do.

My dad’s birthday was on February 14 (RIP, Dad). Imagine a household with seven daughters and one son, all old enough to want to spend Valentine’s Day with their girlfriend or boyfriend. Ohhhh… the frustrations ran high. We couldn’t go anywhere that day. It was Dad’s birthday, and unless he gave permission to leave for a specific amount of time, we were homebound. We didn’t like it but that was just how it was. Somehow, we celebrated his birthday alongside a day of friendship and love.

As time passed and I learned about love -or so I thought- I realized that sustaining love between two people is one of the hardest things to do. Loving your parents and siblings is part of the family equation. Loving friends [the chosen family] is different: often more authentic, more honest. And then there’s romantic love. That’s where things get tricky.

A relationship with a partner, boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse, whatever it may be, is a rollercoaster. Two different people believe they can function as one. There is desire, hope, and the belief that we’ve found our better half, our soulmate, the person who will complete us. But no one completes us, we are already whole. No one is our “better half”; we both bring good parts. And soulmates? Why not? We can have a few. At the beginning, everything makes sense. We believe it will work because it’s meant to be. It is “love” after all!

Okay, enough with the cynicism.

I know the feeling of being in love very well. I have loved deeply. I have loved the wrong men [that’s for sure]. And what have I done with those experiences? I’ve learned that I must love myself first in order to recognize the kind of love I want and deserve.

It’s been more than ten years since my last marriage ended, and for a long time I had no interest in having a man in my life. I believed the narrative I created: protecting my peace, my space, and avoiding unnecessary complications. That changed last summer, when I reconnected with a friend.

What began as a simple reconnection turned into an intense, fast-burning affair. In a matter of weeks, we slipped into a closeness that felt familiar and effortless. We shared days, nearly every night together, tenderness, and words of love spoken too quickly. He treated me like a partner and a lover, yet contradicted himself constantly: calling us “just friends,” speaking of his ex as someone he still loved, and avoiding direct answers when clarity mattered most.

The inconsistency became impossible to ignore. When he admitted he might want to go to a concert with his ex, despite saying he was with me and that I was his “girlfriend”, I understood the truth: his actions and words did not align with the value and respect I need in love.

So I walked away [twice] because I’ve learned that when communication becomes confusing and trust begins to erode, staying costs more than leaving. Some connections burn bright, but real love should bring warmth and clarity, not doubt and emotional whiplash.

The lesson? Believe your gut. Trust your intuition. When you see the red flags, don’t doubt that it’s time to protect what matters most: yourself and your peace. Let go of any connections that bring negativity and gaslighting, it is not what anyone should add to your life. Let go.

I’m not discarding love from my life. I have plenty of it, for myself and for others. And if a man wants to enter my world with the same values, he is more than welcome. After all, love can happen at any time.

In the spirit of this month, it’s worth remembering that Valentine’s Day itself didn’t begin as a celebration of romance, but of connection and devotion in many forms, a reminder that love has always been bigger than just one day.

So, love birds, enjoy the month. Celebrate the people who matter most. As for me, I’ll be choosing very carefully who I spend my Valentine’s with. 😉

Happy Valentines to all! 🌷